Male Postpartum Depression: Yes, Dads Get the Blues Too

When we talk about Postpartum Depression (PPD), we almost exclusively picture a new mother. We think of hormonal crashes, tears, and an overwhelming sense of sadness.

As a man and specifically as a COO used to managing crises and keeping a stiff upper lip, I thought PPD was biologically impossible for me. I didn’t just have a baby; I had a business to run, revenue to secure, and a family to provide for. I didn’t have time for the ‘blues’.

But 4 months in, I wasn’t just tired. I was hollow. I was snapping at my team, ignoring my wife, and feeling a strange, cold detachment from the beautiful daughter I loved.

I wasn’t just stressed. Also, i was dealing with Male Postpartum Depression. And if you are a dad reading this, wondering why you feel angry instead of happy, you might be too.

The one thing that I would like to request all new dads reading this is that you are not alone. Don’t think of this as some anomaly that you are not allowed to talk about or discuss. Rather, it’s perfectly and absolutely alright for you to experience a weird sensation like PPD. 

It’s Not Just In Your Head (The Science)

Let’s get the stigma out of the way first. Paternal Postpartum Depression (PPPD) is real. Studies show that approximately 1 in 10 dads experience PPD. 

That means that you are not the only one feeling strange, angry, anxious, and weak at all times. If there are 10,000 New Dads in your city, 1000 of them have to scientifically feel this. So, first things first, you are not alone!

We often assume PPD is purely driven by the massive drop in estrogen women experience after birth. But men undergo biological changes too. New fathers often experience a drop in testosterone and a spike in cortisol (stress hormone) due to sleep deprivation and the psychological weight of parenthood.

Your psychological being is undergoing a change. Everything from your mental health to your financial stability is nearing a breakdown. It’s normal for your hormones to also go for a toss. However, it’s not the same as what your wife is going through. That is a biological change brought upon by motherhood. 

When you combine that biological shift with the 14-hour workdays of a corporate executive, you create a perfect storm for a mental health crash. The problem is that if you don’t realise and acknowledge this soon, you just keep on building the mental health problem until you simply crash. Trust me, you don’t want to crash when everything is dependent on you. 

The Mask: How PPD Looks Different In Men?

The reason so many men go undiagnosed is that we are looking for the wrong symptoms. We look for sadness. But in men, depression often wears a mask of aggression or avoidance.

Ever wondered lately why you are always on the edge? Why are your patience levels incredibly low? Why does everything from someone ringing the bell to a leaking water tap annoy the hell out of you?

For women, PPD’s most visible physical manifestation is grief and sadness. There are no levels to how it should be ranked. For men, it’s completely different. Why am I stressing on this is because PPD is often looked upon symptom-wise as sadness. That is not true. 

Here is how it manifested for me, and what you should look for:

1. The Dad Rage (Irritability)

I rarely cry. But for a few months, I was constantly furious. Back then, I had no clue what was happening to me. Mostly, I would shrug it off as work pressure. 

If the dog barked, I yelled. If the Wi-Fi lagged during a client call, I wanted to throw the router. Also, if the baby wouldn’t latch, I felt a surge of irrational anger.

In men, depression often externalizes as irritability and impulse control issues. We don’t weep; we snap. When we do, it is often termed as being aggressive, impulsive, not caring enough, or not sympathetic enough. 

Patience will be a virtue that will be so rare, at least in the initial twelve months, that you would like to trade anything in the world for it. 

2. The “Escapist” Workaholic:

As a CDO/COO, I have a valid excuse to work late. But I started using work as a shield. You just throw yourself into work for two major reasons. Firstly, you feel the bills will get bigger. Working more means earning more, which in turn translates into a better life for your family. 

I would stay in the office (or my home study) long after the emails were done, just to avoid the chaos of the living room. I told myself I was ‘providing’, but really, I was withdrawing. Overworking is a classic symptom of male PPD.

I would tell myself that I am responsible for all the bills, the security, the well-being, the lifestyle, etc. At the same time, my wife would be responsible for just the baby and its health and safety. That is the biggest and costliest mistake you can make towards your family. 

Even if your wife has taken a break from her career, the upbringing of the baby is the responsibility of both parents. No matter the multi-million dollar deals you strike. If the baby gets up a night and wants the bottle, you need to wake you’re a** up from the bed, walk over to the sterilizer, get the bottle, make the milk, and give it. Period!

3. Physical Symptoms (The Psychosomatic Crash)

Remember the chest tightness and fatigue I mentioned in my previous post? That wasn’t just heart health; it was my body manifesting my mental state. Headaches, digestive issues, and unexplained aches are common red flags.

All of a sudden, your knees will feel weak. A twenty-pound infant who your wife has been carrying in her arms for probably twelve hours a day will seem so heavy to you in a couple of minutes. 

You will lose the urge to eat; in other words, you won’t feel hungry. The problem with this is that we constantly neglect such physical signs that our body is telling us. You know you will get these signs from your body once you have completely and successfully ignored what your brain has been telling you. This is your body’s last-ditch attempt to tell you that you are going through a situation that needs proper attention. 

The Triggers: Why Now?

Why does a grown man, successful in his career, suddenly crumble?

• The ‘Provider’ Panic: 

When you are responsible for cash flow and revenue, a baby raises the stakes. Every dip in business feels like a threat to your child’s survival. The pressure to provide becomes suffocating. 

Your decisions start getting influenced by fear and a pursuit for stability. Earlier, this was risk and growth. You will start noticing the patterns soon enough. 

• The Sleep Torture: 

You cannot regulate emotions on 3 hours of fragmented sleep. It breaks your resilience. Scientifically, you never get into a deep sleep mode, which is called ‘rem’. 

The slightest sounds wake you up. You are constantly worried if the baby has turned, if they have enough cushions, and if the blankets are not covering their nose. This is all but natural. 

• The Relationship Shift: 

You are no longer your wife’s priority; the baby is. For many men, this loss of intimacy and attention creates a deep, unspoken loneliness. You will realise that your wife has become a completely different person you don’t know anything about. 

The smallest mistakes that you make in handling the baby are met with the harshest criticisms. This is her being a mother, so you need to relax. 

Please try to understand that nobody, not you, not the child, nor your wife, is responsible for this. Blaming anyone in this scenario or situation will only make matters worse. Remember that all of you are at your vulnerable worst. Anything bad that is mentioned will always stay with the other partner for the rest of their lives. 

Don’t blame, don’t pass the buck. 

How To Fix It (From One Dad To Another)?

If you see yourself in this list, do not ignore it. PPD doesn’t just ‘go away.’ It festers and lingers. Here is the operational plan I used to get back on track.

1. Name The Enemy:

Acknowledge it. Tell your partner: ‘I’m not just tired. I think I’m depressed.

Have a formal face-to-face discussion and say what’s bothering you. Sometimes, just talking about it loudly and seeing someone listening to you would be all it takes for you to start feeling normal again. This is not a weakness. Rather, this is a sign of strength. 

Taking the mask off is 50% of the cure. It stops the gaslighting game where you pretend everything is fine while you are drowning. You are human, and feeling this way is completely acceptable. The faker the armour of strength, the harder you will fall. 

2. The Dopamine Detox:

I had to cut the cheap dopamine. No doom-scrolling, no violent TV shows, no excessive caffeine. My brain was already fried; it didn’t need more stimulation. I replaced screens with that 1-hour dog walk I mentioned earlier. Nature is a powerful antidepressant.

If you are done for the day, just get some sleep. Don’t get hold of your phone and try to watch that Camaro review at 1 AM. It is essential that you force your brain to rest. Do activities that do not require a lot of focus. 

Stare deeply into the abyss. Take your time with the morning coffee. Play with your dog. Teach the alphabet to your toddler. The more rest you get, the better the regeneration. 

3. Professional Maintenance:

I treat my mental health like I treat my company’s server maintenance. It’s not optional.

Whether it’s therapy or, in some cases, medication to balance the chemicals, get professional help. There is no badge of honour for suffering in silence.

I have seen friends and colleagues terming this as ‘Oh, I am not weak’. That’s a load of bull****. The hypermasculinity era that has been force-fed into our systems through aggressive propaganda on the screen is nothing to be proud of. 

Whatever helps you, it’s essential that you invest and get it done. Nothing is going to take away your masculinity. 

4. Bond On Your Terms:

I struggled to bond when I was just helping Mom. I needed my own thing.

For me, it became the morning floor time. Just me, the baby, and the dog. No pressure to feed or change diapers-just play. Finding your own way to connect with the baby helps reduce the feeling of detachment.

That means that you don’t have to copy or duplicate everything that your wife does. The baby does not expect the same thing from both parents. For me, the expectations are completely different. For example, she is much more comfortable with me when it comes to reading, playing Legos, discovering new things, driving, public places, and so on. 

With my wife, she is more comfortable when it comes to feeding her, giving her a bath, and patting her to sleep. You need to understand the roles that are assigned to you and fulfil them diligently. That’s all. 

The Reality You Need To Wake Up To:

Male Postpartum Depression isn’t a weakness; it’s a side effect of a massive life transition.

As dads, we want to be the rock. But even rocks erode under constant pressure. If you are feeling the blues or the rage or the hollowness, get checked. You owe it to your business, your wife, and that little baby who needs their dad to be whole.

Wake up, smell the coffee, acknowledge there is an issue, take proactive steps to remedy the problem, get it sorted, be happy, and move on. 

Yes, this might be the simplest thing in the world, or the toughest. 

To each his own…

Free Download: The New Dad Mental Health Audit

Title: Am I Just Tired? Or Is It Something Else?

Subtitle: A 2-Minute Diagnostic Checklist for Dads

Introduction from the Author:

As a COO, I live by data. When I was struggling, “feeling sad” wasn’t a metric I could track. I needed to know the difference between the biological cost of having a newborn and the warning signs of a mental health crash.

I created this checklist to help you distinguish between Standard New Dad Fatigue (which is normal) and Paternal Postpartum Depression/Anxiety (which needs attention).

The Audit: Check The Box That Best Fits Your Current State

Metric	Column A: The “Sleep Deprived” Dad	Column B: The “Red Flag” (PPD/Anxiety)
1. Sleep Patterns	☐ I am exhausted. If given the chance, I could fall asleep instantly anywhere.	☐ I am exhausted, but I lie awake staring at the ceiling even when the baby is asleep (Insomnia).
2. Irritability	☐ I get grumpy when tired, but I usually apologize later.	☐ I feel a constant, simmering rage. I snap at my partner/dog/team and feel justified or numb about it.
3. Interest & Joy	☐ I’m too tired for hobbies, but I still look forward to a good meal or a game eventually.	☐ Nothing interests me anymore. Food, sex, hobbies, and work all feel “grey” and pointless.
4. Anxiety	☐ I worry about specific things: “Is the baby breathing?” “Did we buy diapers?”	☐ I have a sense of impending doom. I panic about “everything” (finances, safety, future) uncontrollably.
5. Bonding	☐ I love my child, but I find the caretaking exhausting right now.	☐ I feel detached. I look at my child and feel nothing, or worse, I feel regret/resentment about becoming a father.
6. Work	☐ I’m tired at work, but I can still function and prioritize.	☐ I am either completely unable to focus (“Brain Fog”) or I am burying myself in work to avoid going home.

How To Score?

• Mostly Column A:

Status: Survival Mode.

You are likely suffering from acute sleep deprivation. This is brutal, but normal.

• Action Plan: Prioritize sleep shifts with your partner. Focus on hydration (4L/day) and nutrition. This phase will pass.
• Mostly Column B (or even two checks in Column B):

Status: Warning Zone.

These are clinical markers for Paternal Postpartum Depression or Anxiety. This is not just “being tired.”

• Action Plan:
  1. Talk: Tell your partner specifically, “I checked the boxes for rage and insomnia.”
  2. Test: Schedule a check-up with your GP.
  3. Reset: Review your inputs (caffeine, alcohol, news consumption) and cut the stimulants.