How To Talk To Children About Divorce
Children are happy to watch their parents living under the same roof, mutually taking care of them and sharing responsibilities. But lightning strikes on the young generation when they get hints that their parents will no longer be together. It is advised to talk to children about divorce in a polite manner.
Discussing Divorce With Children
According to research over the last five years, it is revealed that 75% of parents getting divorced talk about this issue with their children in the family within ten minutes. This time frame is too short to give the kids a viable explanation for taking such a big step that would affect their lives forever. The children deserve to know the significant details that will impact their lives, so here is how you should address the matter:
What Will You Say And How Will You Go About It?
The expression might be difficult, but your children need to know about your next drastic step; therefore, talk to them softly and calmly:
Tell The Reason
Your kids have seen you happy, and this separation can appear to them as a surprise, so tell them the reason and out with the truth instead of beating around the bush. Clearly say, “ We tried our best, but can’t live together anymore’’. Your children might feel that once their support system shatters, they will be left alone. But that’s not the case. Assure them that they will still hold the same value.
Keep Saying ‘I Love You’
The three words, I love you, are said casually in normal life, but in the situation of divorce, the message carries immense power. Children assume that since their perfect couple won’t be living together anymore, there will be no one to love them, which is wrong. Tell them they are your best friend. You will still play games, watch their favorite cartoons, help them with homework, dress them for school, and accompany them at the breakfast table.
Talk About The Changing Of Things
Your kids might question you regarding how their lives will change when their biological parents will not be seen together. You must admit and acknowledge that many things will be different now, and some may remain unaffected. Guarantee them that it will be possible to manage everything when they walk hand in hand on this tough path.
Avoid Placing Blame On Others
In such turmoil, there should be no placing blame or pointing fingers at your partner. Even if your spouse has been through a startling series of hurtful events like an extramarital affair, you have to be careful in using words and maintain the spouse’s respect as a parent in front of the children, who are unaware of the recent happenings.
Show Your Unity
As parents, you must show your unity in front of your children. The blame game will worsen things, and your criticism towards your spouse will compel them to dislike the parent for the rest of their lives. Therefore, stay on one page and discuss with your partner the reason you will put forward as to why the divorce is happening to clear the confusion.
Plan Conversations About The Living Arrangements
Specialized San Diego divorce lawyers emphasize the importance of discussing who the child or children will live with and where they will live. Discuss the planning regarding the living arrangements before any substantial changes are made that may lead to unnecessary arguments. This conversation is better when done in your spouse’s presence, so there is no room for doubt.
Respect Your Spouse
Don’t leave a negative impression of your spouse in front of your children and others when answering questions about the divorce. Yes, you won’t be sharing the same title or the relationship anymore, but the mutual respect element has to stay constant.
Should You Tell Everything Or Not?
It can become tricky for parents to tell every detail regarding their divorce or shed a little light on the facts. If your divorce is still in its early stages, be selective of the information, as you don’t know how the children are going to react to your decision.
How Old Are Your Children?
Age matters. Children watching their parents getting split at an early age makes them scared and anxious. Looking at their lack of maturity, you need to give them fewer details with simple statements explaining why you are parting ways.
In the case of older children, you may tell them from scratch as they are mature enough to understand why their parents want to live together, what happened, and how you reached this conclusion.
Discuss The Necessary Changes
There are going to be several changes including child custody arrangements. Discuss the necessary changes involving their academic and personal life: school, accommodation, whom they will live with and where, and activities, who will participate, or pick and drop to their events.
Be Honest And Real
Times may be challenging for you, so at the time sharing the reasons why their children’s perfect vision of fairytales is ending, be genuine and honest. Your children should continue to respect both of you regardless of the broken home scenario.
Read Also: Worst Age For Divorce For Children – Here’s What Fathers Must Know
Help Your Children In Sharing Their Emotions Surrounding The Divorce
Your young ones may get upset after hearing your decision. Therefore, being a responsible parent, you are required to help them share their reaction or thoughts about divorce.
Be All Ears
Once you have told your children about your divorce, they will see things differently. They might also get fearful that they will say something that offends them or triggers their anger. Watching you both live in separate houses will not be an easy thing for them to adjust to.
So, try to encourage them to speak their thoughts and, when they do, be all ears. Listen to what they understand after you tell them what is happening. Comfort them and love them if they begin to lose control of their emotions.
Be Aware Of Their Feelings
You cannot get things back to normal overnight or magically switch their sadness to happiness. What has happened is in the past. Just be aware of how your children feel or have begun feeling since they learned that you are getting a divorce. Respect and acknowledge their feelings instead of showing that you are not bothered.
Conclusion
Divorce is a whirlwind of emotions. Thus, couples should not stick to thinking about their lives but also how their separation will play a crucial role in their children’s lives. Hence, exchange dialogues without displaying frustration to explain to them what is happening.
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