As a single mother of 2, Bay Area resident Alexandra Atlanova knows a thing or two about good parenting, more specifically about how to raise a child.

So much so that, after over a decade of working in the IT industry, she decided to open up a new career path altogether and started her own childcare business.

In just 3 years, her Fluffly Llama Daycare has expanded to 2 locations, both of which received the city’s Best Home Daycare Award for 2022. Atlanova strives endlessly to improve the quality of preschool education.

In her career running a daycare and as a parent, she’s noticed some trends in dealing with children and their behavior. She’s noticed the need for parents to step back and let kids be kids. When this happens, they’ll grow to be the best version of themselves they could possibly be.

Here Are Ten Prime Steps To Raise A Child In Our Modern World

The following are Atlanova’s ten tips for raising a child:

1. A happy mom equals happy children!

happy mom equals happy children

It really works! Once I let my children be at peace and started to take care of my own life and happiness, they started changing for the better all by themselves. Nothing is more rewarding than seeing a happy, joyful, and energized mother at home, ready to create and build. The mom who dances in the kitchen while cooking dinner for the whole family is a goddess!

By the way, this goes not only for the children but for the husband too. When a happy woman is living at home, everything around her changes for the better. Children get sick less often, cause less trouble, and help the family more by doing chores.

As a mom, whether you work or not, you ought to have some kind of business or hobby– a passion project that energizes you and keeps you going. Share this with your children, talk with them about what you do and how you feel and think.

They will build their world off of your experiences, so be a shining example for them. Moreover, when children see a happy mother, they’ll feel at ease knowing that everything is fine. If everything is good, then they’ll also be good. Just let the kids be and focus on yourself now and then!

2. Stop trying to be perfect And Raise A Child As Well As You Can!

There’s no set of strict rules that you’re evaluated under as a parent. You came up with them yourself. You’ve brought this child into the world for yourself and not for others, so just enjoy being a parent. Be happy and make your children happy! This is your life’s purpose– it’s not a race to prove to everyone that you’re the best.

It’s okay if you make mistakes raising your kids. Simply fix them and do things differently if need be.

We also learn from our children! Although at first, we teach them everything, they later show us our weaknesses and what we need to work on. Track down the issues and fix them, but don’t try to be perfect and live up to anyone’s expectations (even your own).

Let go of all expectations. Just enjoy the process while you can. Soon, they will grow and your experience will end.

3. Think about what your kid needs, not saving face!

These days, moms like to compete in the “who takes the most lessons” race. In society, it is believed that if you do not take your child to as many extracurriculars as possible, then you are a bad mother. But who said it has to be that way?

Look at your child. What is their character? What do they want and love? Ask them about it. Maybe they want to play sports or explore the arts. Yes, we should offer different options and let them explore. Give the child the opportunity to choose from all the options, but if they are not interested, they’ll dread those piano lessons but can’t say “no” so as not to offend you.

Just think for a moment – why are you sending your child to extra classes? To increase your self-esteem? For your neighbors to dote on you for being a great mother? So they learn to play the guitar because they dreamed about it as a child, but did it not work out? For what? For yourself or a child?

If it’s only because of your fears – give up this idea. Wait until the child asks you for something when they are interested and will do it out of desire. Do not deprive the child of the opportunity to be a kid and play a lot. It’s much better to spend this time just together by going for a walk in the park.

If the family does not have the opportunity to buy a new course for the child, or the parents just want to sleep after work on a Saturday morning, this is normal. DO NOT torture yourself for this! You can learn to play the guitar even at the age of 30. Take advantage of any quality time you can spend together.

4. Don’t repeat your parents’ mistakes. Do things differently!

Our parents and our parent’s parents lived in a completely different time with totally different rules. What was once the norm no longer makes sense. We are changing– our children are different.

Whether you were brought up under harsh conditions, didn’t get enough love, or were harmed as a child, it becomes encoded in you as a norm of behavior. With this, you will raise your children in the same way as your parents once did. However, you have the chance to fix everything. Change your habits or words that have stuck as experiences if you found them to be toxic. You have the power to turn things around!

Write your own rules and conditions – how would you have liked your parents to have raised you? Your task is to do everything so that later, your children won’t have to mention you in therapy. Act differently!

5. Don’t neglect your child’s health!

For all parents (especially mothers), a sick kid is a huge source of stress. Our brains always refuse to believe it when we see the first symptoms. We don’t want it to be true because we need to get to work. But if it seemed to you that your child was ill this morning, then don’t take it lightly!

Under no circumstances should you send them to school or daycare. Stay at home for a couple of hours to watch. If everything is fine, then bring them to school later.

I’ll always remember one particular incident. In the morning, my son, a 6-year-old at the time, went to school and said that his legs hurt. I could have sworn he was making it up. What could have possibly ailed his legs that morning? I took him to school.

A few hours later, he got sick, and I had to pick him up from school with a new infection (hand-foot and mouth disease). Not long after, I got sick, too, and it was incredibly painful to walk. I understood how my child was suffering at that moment, but I just didn’t believe him. He’s still traumatized by the incident.

Always listen to your children if they complain about symptoms. It’s not the end of the world if you stay home for a few hours or take the day off. Rather, you will save your child, give them the care and attention they need, and avoid infecting others.

6. Plan quality time with the kids effectively!

It’s better to spend 15 minutes playing with your child once an evening instead of 5 times for 3 minutes. After work, we parents want to relax and put our children to bed faster. Such is life. However, if you see that a child needs your attention, constantly asks for something, or is naughty, and behaves aggressively – know that they’re trying to reach out to you.

It doesn’t matter to children whether you scold or praise them – It’s your attention that they desire. To prevent this, just set aside 15-20 minutes of your time and play one-on-one with your child, or sit together and talk about the past day. This will soothe them and satisfy their need for attention. If you want to raise a child right, then you need to spend time with them.

Consider more hugs and tactile contact throughout the day when you are around. And, of course – schedule some personal time before bedtime. Soon, they’ll grow up, and you won’t have enough of it. Seize the moment!

7. The atmosphere at home plays a role!

We’re all different, each of us with our own story and case. But understand one thing – your quarrels with your partner at home have an impact on your children. They’ll think they cause all your problems and, consequently, begin to feel like bad children who bring trouble home. Therefore, please ensure that hot issues aren’t resolved in front of the kids.

As the owner of a kindergarten, I know about all family problems from the children themselves. They tell me everything! We, teachers, know exactly when parents are fighting, going through a divorce, when mom found a new man, and other gritty details.

Even if the child is only 3 years old, they tell all because, for them, it’s their entire world. It’s very important, and they need to talk about it to make it easier to process. If you think that the child is small and doesn’t pick up what’s going on, you couldn’t be more wrong. They see and hear everything!

8. Don’t compare yourself to your kids!

Don’t compare yourself to your kids

You’ve already heard this advice from psychologists that you needn’t compare yourself with others. You need to evaluate yourself then and now and draw conclusions about your progress. And here we are talking about this to emphasize that you mustn’t compare yourself with your child.

“But when I was your age, I already played in the Champions League.”

You and your child are completely different individuals. If you have similarities in DNA, it doesn’t mean that you’re similar. Don’t expect your child to repeat your successes. They’re unique and different.

Your task is to study their character and get to know this new person in your life. Be their friend and love them. Get to know each other better. However, do not place your expectations on the child that they don’t know about. Your child is not you. These are two different personalities. DO NOT expect them to grow up to be a copy of you. Help them fulfill their visions and goals and to become unique! You cannot raise a child properly if you cannot stop comparing them to yourself.

9. Raise A Child Right: Support Them At All Costs

When you plan to raise a child, you have to be prepared to support them. That means standing by them even if you think they’re wrong. For example, if one day you’re asked to come to school and talk to the principal, be on your child’s side, and protect their interests. If in a dispute between friends – take your child’s side – help and protect them.

Once you’re alone together at home, you can discuss this issue and explain whether they were wrong and how to make things right. However, in the presence of others, always support your child. This will give them the confidence that they are protected and safe. They’ll know their parents are on their side and will feel loved. Then, in the future, they will feel more self-confident.

10. Single parent? Small family? No problem!

Believe me, no matter how many people are in your family – as little as 2 – you ARE a family. If the child only has one parent, you can compensate by communicating with friends or relatives. But don’t blame yourself for it.

That’s okay too! There are no strict rules dictating what a family should look like. Always ask yourself: “How happy are my child and I?” Remember that there are no rules or standards – raising a kid isn’t black and white! There is only your life and a feeling of happiness!

Sure, you can read articles and scientific publications about new methods to raise a child. Subscribe to bloggers on Instagram, and watch YouTube videos on how to play with children and what to do with a child. Listen to the professionals. However, at the same time, keep track of your feelings.

And It’s A Wrap On How To Raise A Child!

Ask yourself whether you’re happy doing this. Is your child happy? In order to raise a child, don’t try to make the child comfortable and obedient for you. Let them develop a personality while you instill values and morals that help them grow!

Your child will thank you for the fact that you did not interfere with their development. Allowing them to learn and make mistakes will foster such growth.

At the end of the day – your main goal in this life is to be happy and to do everything in your power so that your children feel the same. I urge you to make decisions based on your heart and feelings, not your mind and someone else’s experience.

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