Co-Parenting With A Narcissist: Navigating The Challenges And Protecting Your Children
Co parenting with a narcissist who also happens to be your former partner can be a challenge that is difficult to navigate. Plus, it can be quite emotionally draining for anyone to even experience.
Individuals with a narcissistic personality most commonly lack empathy, thereby prioritizing their individual wants and needs above those of others.
This obviously makes co-parenting difficult – your partner will eventually fail to prioritize what your children need.
Narcissists might end up dwelling in anger and seeking revenge simply because they view themselves as superiors, often manipulating reality in order to justify their selfish acts.
It is vital to understand that until and unless your kids grow up, your ex-partner will be a pretty big part of their lives.
While it appears to be challenging on certain terms, there are several steps you can definitely take to set boundaries, protect yourself, and ultimately help your children.
But First, Can You Attempt to Prove to the Law That Your Ex is a Narcissist?
Before we start, let’s admit something first – co-parenting with a narcissistic ex is extremely difficult. And that happens to be the stark reality.
However, every problem has a solution. And co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-partner can be exhausting, but you cannot forget about the larger picture – your child’s well-being.
But before we go there, you must have a basic question – can you even attempt to prove to the courts that your former partner is a narcissist and all the problems that are rising because of the same?
Let’s find out!
Proving To the Courts That Your Former Partner is Narcissistic: Explained!
Understand something very clearly – it won’t be easy to prove to the courts that your former partner is narcissistic.
How will you prove that your former partner suffers from a personality disorder called NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder? It is extremely challenging to provide compact evidence for non-physical abuse.
Typically, narcissists do not see the basic need to work on themselves – there’s no need for any self-improvement, according to a narcissist.
This, in turn, makes one thing obvious, that is, narcissists do not think self-improvement, or therapy for that matter, is important. That way, there won’t be any official records of clinical diagnosis.
Hire a Damn Good Attorney
In such cases, it is practical to consult with a dependable attorney who has the expertise to handle toxic individuals like your former partner. And definitely keep your lawyer on speed dial – you never know when any legal issue can crop up.
Think it through.
Think it Through
In most situations, attempting to prove to the law that your co-parent suffers from NPD can be not just exhausting but also expensive. And in the end, it might also prove to be a futile affair. Family courts have zero experience in handling complex cases involving people with personality disorders.
You Don’t Want it to Play out Like This
In fact, if your former partner is a highly-skilled narcissist, then it will be easy for them to actually manipulate the court just like they manipulate most people in their life.
The Judge might not even notice that the co-parent with NPD is actually using the law to manipulate as well as control you through your children.
How Do Narcissistic Parents Get Away With Their Toxicity?
It does not matter whether you are co-parenting with a narcissistic father or a mother – gender is not the concern here. But it’s a problem that arises from co-parenting or even associating with any individual with NPD.
Using Manipulation as a Shielding Technique
A narcissistic parent will use manipulation and deception to present themselves as the best parent, the perfect parent, who only has their child’s best interests at heart. It’s just a part of their act.
Avoiding Suggestions or Using them to Their Favor.
It is possible that the Court can suggest co-parenting counseling, but it is hardly going to help. Either the narcissistic co-parent won’t attend the sessions, ask for a different therapist from the Court, or just devalue the counselor. Of course, such people even want a therapist who they can manipulate and control.
Hope for the Best, but Prepare for the Worst
Of course, it is highly possible that the Judge might ask both parents to sit through psychological evaluations, including the MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory) test. It is absolutely a possibility that the narcissistic parent fails to outsmart this test.
And if the Judge determines how the co-parent indeed suffers from NPD, then they can make decisions based on what’s best for their children.
However, it is crucial that you don’t get your hopes up. In most cases, the Judge might call your children as witnesses. Answering certain questions in front of both parents is already tough for just about any child. So, naturally, when a narcissistic parent is involved, things just become more complex – for instance, power dynamic starts playing a crucial role.
It is likely that the presence of the narcissistic parent might just be manipulative and intimidating. It is just heartbreaking to see a child getting scared and entirely under the control of a toxic parent who might take the help of nonverbal cues to instruct the kid on what exactly to say.
Co-Parenting With a Narcissist: The Tips To Remember!
Until and unless the entire family law system comes up with a solid system of handling narcissistic parents, it is highly probable that co-parenting might be ordered on a 50-50 division.
It doesn’t matter whether you are co-parenting with a female narcissist or a male one – the point is, you are co-parenting with a narcissist.
Your child’s well-being and needs will require protection. So, here are some of the most practical tips to help you with managing the manipulative behavior of your narcissistic ex-partner.
1. Accept the Reality
It may very well be their narcissistic personality that you wanted out of the relationship. You might have gotten out of the relationship, but when co-parenting, you’ll cross paths.
This is where you start accepting reality and ready yourself to put up necessary boundaries. However, it always starts by accepting that you are dealing with a devil. Instead of wasting your energy on changing them, accept the reality and choose parenting styles that minimize their interventions. Parallel parenting is quite a good option under such scenarios.
2. Set Compact Boundaries:
It is vital to set concrete boundaries with your ex-partner while ensuring that all communication is taking place effectively. This can easily help you to decrease conflict and then protect you from any kind of manipulation.
3. Seek Support:
Dealing with a toxic or narcissistic co-parent is emotionally draining. It is crucial to actually seek support from your family, friends, or even a therapist – so that you can cope with the issues of co-parenting with an individual who’s narcissistic.
4. Agree on a Parenting Plan
With boundaries, you reduce conflicts. But, without a proper parenting plan, that boundary can get damaged at times. So, create a clear and comprehensive parenting plan first. It would be wise to involve your divorce attorney and relationship counselor in this.
A parenting plan strengthens the boundary you raise. In addition, your children have clear expectations regarding their parent’s involvement.
Make sure to detail out responsibilities like the child’s custody and the timeline for when each parent can meet the child. It’s best to also include the failures of both parents to meet those criteria. You shouldn’t be worried as long as you are maintaining your boundaries.
5. Keep Records:
Document and record all instances of manipulative behavior or blatant narcissism, including conversations, texts, and emails. This can prove to be helpful when you are asked to provide evidence to the law.
6. Communicate Via Mediators:
If communicating with your narcissistic partner directly is not really effective, then consider opting for a mediator who can facilitate communication.
7. Focus On Your Children:
Narcissists are good at twisting words, lying, and gaslighting. They can manipulate you into thinking something that’s completely false. It’s best to avoid any form of contact with them.
If communicating with your narcissistic partner directly is not really effective, then consider opting for a mediator who can facilitate communication. Use written or electronic modes of communication to communicate with them only when you can’t help it. But use a mediator in all possible scenarios.
8. Keep Calm & Be Respectful
It helps to keep your cool and stay respectful when you are in the presence of your narcissistic partner. Remember, you aren’t doing this to honor them but to create your own presence. Being humble and calm in their presence can disarm their behavior. They always know the button to set you off.
But it’s your choice whether you want to give in to their cunning behavior or stay composed. Refuse to fall for their temptation, and don’t take the bait when your narcissistic partner is plotting.
9. Maintain Perspective
A narcissistic partner will use the situation to get the best of you. When co-parenting with them, learn to hold strongly on to your perspective. This is a defense mechanism that’ll help you step out of the situation when it’s becoming difficult. By doing so, you’ll build a sense of self, and you’ll have the tools to analyze their behavior objectively.
10. Prioritize Your Mental Health
Last but not least, prioritize your emotions and mental well-being. Build a habit of caring for yourself – both mentally and physically. Don’t make an exception in using a mediator whenever you have to communicate with your narcissistic ex-partner.
Bonus: Other Tips To Follow
If you think the five tips we have mentioned above are enough, you might be wrong if you are dealing with a highly skilled narcissistic individual. Here are some more tips to make life easier for you!
6. Seek legal counsel.
7. Use all ‘I’ statements.
8. Prioritize your mental health.
9. Seek plenty of outside help when needed.
10. Always know that you are not alone.
Co-parenting With a Narcissist: Prioritize Your Childre’s Well-Being!
We accept that co-parenting with a narcissist is a big difficulty and can exhaust you completely. But at the same time, you cannot forget about your child’s well-being. Let’s assume that the toxic parent will continue to be a part of your child’s life in the years to come. But that does not mean your child needs to be manipulated or controlled. So, tell us, what are your thoughts on co-parenting with a partner who has NPD? And if you have experience with the issue, feel free to share your stories with us in the comments below.
Have A Look:-
Already have an account?
Sign In
Create your account
User added successfully. Log in