Divorce To Children

Breaking The News Of Divorce To Children

Breaking the news of divorce to children is undoubtedly one of the most challenging aspects of the entire process. It’s a delicate situation that requires careful consideration, empathy, and a deep understanding of the child’s emotional well-being.

In this blog, we’ll go through the delicacy of the situation, and ways to properly come at it.

Understanding the Impact

Divorce is a 360 switch in a family dynamic, and children are often the most affected by these changes. It is very important for parents to comprehend the emotional impact that their divorce may have on their children.

Children may experience a range of emotions, including confusion, sadness, anger, and fear. The children’s age and developmental stage play a significant role in how they process and respond to the news.

Choosing the Right Time & Place

Choosing the Right Time & Place

Timing is crucial when it comes to breaking the news of divorce to children. Ideally, both parents should be present for the conversation, emphasizing a united front between the two of them and demonstrating that the decision is mutual.

Do not place any blame on either parent and show that you are still on the same team. Choose a time when the child can have the necessary space and support to process the information, preferably avoiding significant events like birthdays or holidays.

Find a quiet, comfortable place where the child feels secure. Eliminate distractions and ensure that there is enough time for an open and honest conversation without interruptions. This is a time to fully reassure your child and tell them that you both will still be their parents, even if one may be more of a “parent” than the other. 

Crafting the Message

To avoid conflict when telling your children about the divorce, it is best to agree ahead of time on what you both are going to tell your kids. When delivering the news, honesty is key, but so is age-appropriate language.

Tailor your message to the child’s level of understanding of this type of situation. For younger children, keep it simple and reassure them that the divorce is not their fault. For older children, provide more details without burdening them with adult complexities, but not too many details. If they want to know more, they will ask questions. Let them lead the conversation. 

Express the news as a joint decision and avoid placing any blame on one another, even if the divorce was not a joint decision or there was “wrong” done such as infidelity. It is important for children to have a healthy relationship with their parents.

Emphasize that both parents will continue to love and support the child, even though the family structure is changing. Reassure the child that the divorce is not a reflection of their worth or behavior and that their disagreements are not because of their child. 

If the divorce is not finalized yet and you are still discussing with a Newport Beach divorce attorney, let the child know the general idea of what things may look like, and that you both want what is best for them (the child). 

Anticipate Questions and Reactions

Children will likely have numerous questions and varying emotional reactions to the news. Be prepared for this and approach the conversation with patience and empathy.

Encourage them to express their feelings, and validate their emotions. Understand that their initial reaction may not reflect their long-term feelings, and be ready to revisit the conversation as needed.

Common Questions

  • Why are you getting divorced?
  • Is it my fault?
  • What will happen to our home/school/activities?
  • Will I still see both of you?

Common Reactions

  • If there has been a lot of tension and arguments in the home, children may feel relieved
  • Sadness
  • Guilty, believe they are the reason for the divorce
  • Worry, unsure what the future holds

When the kids ask questions, provide honest and age-appropriate answers, avoiding unnecessary details or blame. Reassure them that both parents will remain involved in their lives, and emphasize the stability and love that will persist despite the changes.

Offering Emotional Support

Breaking the news of divorce is not a one-time conversation but an ongoing process. After the initial discussion, it’s crucial to provide continued emotional support for the child. Be attuned to their needs, encourage open communication, and reassure them that their feelings are valid.

Consider involving a therapist or counselor to help the child navigate their emotions and provide an unbiased space for them to express themselves. Attending family therapy can also be beneficial in facilitating healthy communication between parents and children during this challenging time.

Maintaining Routine and Stability

In the midst of divorce, maintaining a sense of routine and stability is paramount for children. Consistency can offer a sense of security and normalcy amid the upheaval. Ensure that the child’s daily schedule remains as consistent as possible, including school, extracurricular activities, and time spent with each parent.

Coordinate with the other parent to create a consistent parenting plan that prioritizes the child’s well-being. Establish clear expectations regarding visitation, holidays, and important events, providing the child with a sense of structure and predictability.

Co-Parenting Strategies

Co-Parenting Strategies

Successful co-parenting is essential for mitigating the impact of divorce on children. Collaborate with the other parent to create a united front when it comes to parenting decisions. Keep communication open and respectful, focusing on the child’s best interests.

Avoid involving the child in parental conflicts or using them as messengers between parents. Present a united front during important events in the child’s life, such as school performances or sporting events. Consistency in parenting approaches and rules between households can provide stability for the child.   

Related: Successful Co-Parenting After A Divorce: Anna Whitehouse And Matt Farquharson Has Much To Say 

Seeking Professional Guidance

Divorce is a complex process, and seeking professional guidance can be beneficial for both parents and children. Therapists, counselors, and support groups can offer valuable insights and coping mechanisms for navigating the emotional challenges associated with divorce.

Consider involving a mediator to facilitate communication between parents and help them reach agreements on key issues. Mediation can provide a neutral and structured environment for resolving disputes and creating a co-parenting plan that prioritizes the child’s needs.


Breaking the news of divorce to children is undoubtedly one of the most challenging aspects of the entire process. However, approaching the conversation with empathy, honesty, and a commitment to ongoing support can help ease the impact on children.

By prioritizing their emotional well-being, maintaining consistency, and fostering open communication, parents can navigate this difficult transition with a focus on the best interests of their children. Remember, it’s a journey that requires patience, understanding, and a shared commitment to the child’s continued happiness and security.

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